If you are like me, you have probably wondered- "How do vegans smoke so much weed, but stay sooo thin?" Well, after being invited to some sort of hippy festival last weekend, I realized the answer has always been right in front of my face. You can smoke all the weed you want, and stay in a ravenous food frenzy, twenty-four seven. You just have to surround yourself with shitty food! I saw a few people sharing what looked like wet birdseed in a paper towel, trying to act like they could swallow it. It is all clear to me now. You can own several bongs, wear clothes covered in Rasta style weed-leaf what not, and even made of hemp. You can walk around pulling an I.V. bag of pure THC. You just have to maintain a diet that would make an Ethiopian laugh at you. Need a snack to kill those pesky munchies? Try putting some mud in an old brown paper lunch bag. Twist it up tight, and call it a vegan churro! Not a fan of Mexican? Try this. Buy a Chia Head kit. Mix the seed paste in tepid water, and scrape it into a sandwich baggie. Carry it in your unwashed armpit for most of the day. When you get hungry, just bite off a corner of the bag, and squeeze! Awesome! Don't forget, a true vegan can't eat any food that casts a shadow. Have fun kids, I have to go deal with a couple dozen pigs-in-blankets.
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