Krystals for Dinner?

I have been enjoying "Krystal burgers" for as long as I can remember. I'm talking about back when they had those weird blob/walrus looking things for mascots, and gave out those heart shaped, smiley faced bumper stickers. That's way back. I have been told that they have many things on the menu these days, but I never look at it, so I wouldn't know. I roll up on them at least once a week, at around 0745, and hit em' for the number 1 combo. That's four cheese Krystal's, fries, and Coke. I have done this for so long, that I cant imagine eating Krystal's for lunch or dinner. That would be like sitting down after a long day to a bowl of oatmeal. Gross. I know I'm not the only one, because I'm never alone in the drive through, and I can here one or two other folks ordering the same thing. Its the "Krystal Lovers Combo" and it rocks. The only problem is that Krystal's is one of those joints that does not (as far as I can tell) salt the fries. So you try to add it, but you know once the grease has cooled, the salt just rolls off. Otherwise, they are the complete shit. By the way, you may notice in the photo that I'm driving. That's my 76 F100 Ford pickup, running about 80 up I95. That's how I "do" breakfast. Right after I snapped this picture, the wind caught the burger, flipped the top off, and flung the mustard covered pickle onto my shirt.

Just Wanted to Eat, Not Learn Your Way of Life-

Went to a burger joint the other day, called "Five Guys Burgers". It was ok, that's all I can give them. What was funny though, was that the second I walked in, the "fourth" guy behind the counter asked me if I had ever been in there. I said no, reluctantly, because I knew where it was going. This was one of these joints where, the first few times you come in they have to train you on how to get the food out of them. They cant just stand there, and let you place a simple order. They have to have a busy-ass way of doing everything. I thought about all the other places I had ever been that were like that.

I was in a Popeye's Chicken (I know) at the airport in Atlanta, that made you take your receipt to a different area in the restaurant to "pick up" your drink. If you lost your receipt while shuffling all your luggage and the solid portions of your lunch over there, you were shit out of luck on the drink. I still don't understand what that was all about. Atlanta. Now that I think about it, Atlanta has the Varsity restaurant, where the whole "Have your order in your head, and your money in your hand" may have started. Because if you don't, or you stutter at the point of sale, they will just go on to the next person.

A bunch of these new burrito bar type places are like that. They start yelling at you the moment you walk in, and want you to have the menu and production process memorized before you actually get hungry and head over there to eat. I find it stressful. I seem to remember a place like that, that I use to eat in. I ate there for about eight weeks, and I'm sure I don't want to eat there again. Slow down snapper head, I will order when I'm ready.

Coprophagia and the Diet Battle

Here's a good one. A friend of mine absolutely refuses to eat in any buffet restaurant. He flat
refuses. Wont go if you buy, wont go if you paid him to go. He says that buffets are nasty beyond
his ability to justify eating in one. Every time someone suggests hitting the old Super China
Things on Sticks Buffet, he says "coprophagia" and keeps walking. I looked it up. It is the term
Veterinarians use when a dog eats his own- you know. My buddy says that the buffet line is
a breeding ground for germs and other nasties. Folks grabbing at the rolls with doo-doo hands,
and so forth. Sneezers. Choking on the banana pudding, sans handkerchief. They all use the
required "sneeze guard" and then let a six year old belly up unattended. I get his point, and I
know now that Doctors do as well. A person I know recently had a liver transplant. Of all the
crazy things you have to do to stay healthy after this procedure, one of the rules is to stay
the duck sauce OUT of the buffet restaurants. That's all the proof I need. However, its not
enough to keep me out. No, I am a hard core fat ass, and it would take much more for me to
resist. Like most fatties, I am sure that I eat because of the taste of the food, as oppossed to actually being hungry. That being said, I made a discovery while doing the ten seconds of research I normally do before writing these blogs. I looked up "coprophagia" and was bombed with several brands of medicines designed to treat the problem. How do they work, you ask?
They work by making the dogs crap, taste like crap to the dog. Was that a haiku? Wow! If there is a drug that can make what you are eating taste like crap, why are all diet drugs made of speed? I mean, they are all stimulants that make you burn fat by racing the shit out of your heart rate. If I just popped a pill that, instead, would make a Big Mac taste like dook, why would I need to burn fat? I wouldn't even want one. I eat because I like the taste of the food I choose. I am seriously considering trying that pill. Just for a day, to see what happens. Then I will start working on my constant need to hump my couch pillows.